constant connection

I wanna blackberry your cherry…
Nextel your heart with text messages
That read
No, I’m not a virgin, but I’m mobile…
I wanna start that constant connection…like Verizon Fios…
Let me Sprint across your mind
With cellular transmissions
That cause you to erupt in
Dashes and spurts…
I promise…it won’t hurt

Let me be your sidekick
Yes…
Push all my buttons
Get me open
On some nextgen lovin’
So that I can experience an explosion of emotion

Go ahead
You have me in your Palm…
Pilot my ship…
I give you permission
You can even create a video clip
And loop it…
Just don’t youtube it…
That’s some private shit!

Partner…Let me Upgrade you…
Show you more than a facebook trick…
In fact…
Let’s take this shit off the internet…
And really connect…
See if you can handle this…
Beyond the instant messages
And sexual attraction…

Let me become real for a sec
Show you the real side of my swag
Get you open on real talk
real time
without all of the distractions available online…
let me work on getting you twisted
like a hot beat laced on a hot track with a crazy bass line
yeah…
let me just…
blow you
blow you away with conversation
mental stimulation
that has you coming
coming back
again and again
without
the cell phones
and the instant messages
just you and me…
man to man…
face to face…
in person…
let me know if you can handle that…playa!

out of my mind

He was my love
And I rejected him
perfected the rejection so that his attempts became attacks
I turned my back
So that everything faded…
I faded
Into reflective surfaces
and I became soluble
Moonstruck
Blinded by the crash of life meeting death
Sitting in darkness
With nothing left
But the shackles
And the shrines
The memories
And time…
Lots of time
Blank stares
And distorted visits from memories of sanity
As screams echo torturously from my lips
But my ears hear nothing
This is condemnation
Crippling the space between the embrace of our connection
Severed
Separated from discord
This ward
With locked doors and restrictive wardrobes
Has become home
Surrounded by white coats
Stethoscopes
Alone
Unknown
Stranger
with eyes that I recognize
out of my mind
inside my head
lost in between
living yet dead
lost in waiting
for a savior to save me
save me
from the melancholy that cost me my sanity
he was my love
and I rejected him
without understanding the consequence
he was my love
but that won’t resurrect him
and so I go out of my mind
and inside my head
trying to find the space we shared
the moments in time
when we loved each other freely
and I don’t care
if it costs my sanity!
He was my love…
My love
My love is dead…

Twisted History

Shallow and sullen I shield my throat
to protect the heart that keeps fluttering there
Sounds echo indistinctly as sense becomes a luxury
I take another sip
Drunk sifting throught the bullshit you left behind on your last visit
I always get stuck
Caught up in the fucking
As if ritual sex could champion the damage you inflicted
Remembering each time I let you hit it…how I felt more disconnected
But I was an addict
And I would continue to give you credit
Knowing the bill is long past due
And here I sit
Naked and twisted
Twisted off confused distortions of love that once existed
Tripping
Without a net
Falling into history
Repeating it again…and again…and again
Like some ignorant misfit
Caution counterfit
Or negligent
Or irrelevant
I can’t decide which
Because my senses are still nonexistant
And you continue to do the same things you use to do
Playing trickery with words
Pulling puppet master strings
Cleverly convincing
But this…
This isn’t a dear john…
It’s not a woe is me type confession…
It’s a realization
That your actions were a consequence of my lacking
Lacking love…lacking respect
And so…it really was a blessing…
But don’t get it twisted…
You still have a bill that’s due
And I’m collecting in multiples of two
Serving ego
With a side of “don’t fuck with me Negro”
So if you see me walking down the street…
And I start to smile…
Fall back nigga
It might just be your time!!!

like music

The beat was lazy
Easy
Echoing into parts where only music resonates
It felt right
Smooth
Sincere
No pretense, nothing to fear
Each verse was new
It felt familiar
But different
And each time
Goose bumps erupted
It was unexpected
The way…
He fucked me like music
And each move took me to heights I could feel in my soul
And I held on…losing control
Panting
Clawing
Thrusting
so that he would go deeper
and deeper he did go…
And he played his instrument like a pro
Knowing just when to strummed it softly
And just when to lose control
Yes,
He fucked me like music
Like rock n roll
Playing guttural guitar wrenching notes only he would know
And he rocked me slow
So I would enjoy the moment – get lost in the melody
Like a track stuck on repeat
That you listen to constantly, but intently –
Each time hearing something different…something new
Yes!
He fucked me like music
Using each thrust to invent new chords
Each new chord making way for a deeper connection
Deeper penetration
Like bass finding its way to a place where passion resonates
And I danced with his rhythm
Finding a groove with each move
I got lost in the chorus
As the intensity kept rising
Slowly rising
Almost climaxing
And then he started remixing
Yes he fucked me like music
Extending the song so that the experience would last longer
Longer than the melody
Longer than the verse
Longer than the chorus…
Yes he fucked me like music…
becoming my favorite song
he fucked me like music
animalistic like
rugged
like a musician starving for a note
he fucked me like music
and now I’m in love…
with the music…
in love
with music…

Just Call!

When stories are old and the lights dim
And the memories fade and the dark days draw near
When empty days beckon for solemn sweet sleep
And you feel defeat knocking on your door

Just call

When the world knocks you down
And you feel all alone –
When friends leave your side and lover’s leave you dry
And the lows are you biggest highs

Just call

In the times of distress when you feel you’re a mess
And you can’t catch your breath
When the water keeps rising
And you can’t continue hiding
When the truth becomes a noose
That you can’t cut loose

Just call

I will be the tree that shades your dis-ease
And shelters you from the storm
I will hold your hand when you feel you can’t stand
And wrap my arms around you to keep you warm

When you find you’re afraid, I will show you the way

Just call

I will give you my breath if it’s all that I have left
So that you can withstand the storm
I will be your friend, even if it’s the end
And lay down my life to make everything right
Because I love you –

And all you have to do is

Just call!

F.E.A.R.

I am the tree that rustles in the wind
Leaves stripped, roots dried, bark chipped
Starving for sunlight
In a sea of white
Browned from the green that keeps me at peace
Losing life
Stoically still
Unfulfilled
And
Longing for a squirrel to scurry
Along my trunk
To offer me the warmth
That comes from his touch
Even if only for a moment

I am the dirt on the ground
Dried and hard
Walked upon
As if the support to walk
Is a one sided luxury that I can’t afford
Longing
Longing for water
To absorb
So that I can feel more
More than the heels that bear into my back
More than the soles that distract from the real issue
Lack –
Lack of love…of life

I am the homeless man with an outstretched hand
Reeking of all the things you fear
Dirt smudged face, hole-ridden clothes
And a smell that translates into a loss of all things material
I am a serial loss
That makes it easy to ignore the real truth
I am you
Created in your image
Mirroring the ugliness that you keep caged within

I am
Water
Fluid and cool
Watering fountains of youth with a skewed version of truth
Reported as news
Reaching far
Settling wide
I am a riptide
Raping sands on foreign lands to impregnate distrust
Lusting
Lusting for new prospects to convert
Into my religion

I am the hands bound together in prayer
Fingers woven through beads strung together on a rosary
Seeking
Searching
For divine guidance on this cosmic path of confusion
I am an intrusion of thoughts
Beyond the darkness
The loss that lingers at the edge of loneliness
I am the space
Between you

The
space
Between
you
And the things of truth

I am the words
Not yet whispered – echoing through a funnel of opportunity
I am the ears
Fallen deaf from years of apathy
Silenced into fear
I am the fear

And I am here

I am
FEAR

...waiting...

Waiting…

Waiting…waiting for the pearl to vibrate…to offer a sign of life…through waves that stretch across miles …waiting – knowing that the longer the wait the greater the change - and everything changes– because silence … silences is a language all its own…and it echoes … loudly.

Waiting…for an alert to sound…for a text to drift through and break the barrier of silence that deafens my voice – just waiting … as time becomes measured by the distance between the last words spoken and the presence of now –

waiting … waiting to be remembered – to be thought of – to matter…to matter enough to be upfront –

waiting – to be brushed off – to hear once again what a great guy always hears – I’m not ready…it’s all my fault…I have some issues…I’m still stuck!

Waiting…

Waiting for the ending…

just waiting…