I am...Part I

I am like rain

Falling on cemented dreams sprinkled with weeds that feed on me
The sum of parts that I don’t know
A story still untold

I am woven flesh
stitched into a story of hope
Rose from a garden watered with heroine needles and crack vials
Born of a mistake
A mistake told through a mother’s story taken to the grave

I am the adult survivor of a molested childhood
A childhood riddled with laughter and neglect
Bound to memories that paint colorful pictures of fear and longing and loss and loathing

I am an uncurled motherless fetus
Worn for the wear
Hurt and afraid and tired and alone
I am alone
Hardened like stone
And sadly – this story IS my own

I am the adolescent that was raped
brutally raped
because I trusted my mother and not my heart

Raped because I needed a place to lay my head…a bed

Raped

I am a man who was raped
Scarred
Damaged
Broken

And yet…

I am a complicated monologue
Of Shakespearean proportions
Unafraid to love
In spite of my fear

I am…
Unafraid
Unafraid to become
More than someone else's mistake
Or someone else's victim
Or survivor
I am greater
greater than the sum of my parts
Even if the parts remain unknown
I am a beautiful piece of art
A sparkling star flickering in a darkened sky
Unapologetic
Unafraid to shine
I have arrived
And I rise…from a history of untended hearts and severed ties
Emptied of the tears that filled a river of fear that plagued my mother, my father, and the years of healing that still remain –
I am free of pain
And my story…
My story is one that unfolds into a motivational masterpiece
And today…
Today I know who I am…
I am
Unapologetically me
An intelligent, successful, and forgiving human being…
And I am free