Sunday, June 19, 2011

Hands


He laid his hands on me
Put his hands all over my body
And the heavens opened up
How could I know his touch
His kiss
Would change the way I look at love?

First he found my lips
And our tongues danced
It started off soft and sweet
And as our bodies curled into one another
The kisses became long and deep
And I instantly understood this was what we both needed

He began gently massaging the small of my back
Flirting with the tip of my crack
And I felt him breathing on my cheek
my knees got weak –
but my body responded
as my hands pressed against his chocolate skin
my heart rate quickened
and I held on to him –
as my skin began to tingle
And my dick began to throb
He was … no, he is…perfection – personified

Moments
Fluttered like butterflies
Between lust and love
I wanted him –
I needed him –
And I wasn’t afraid to be honest with him
And in between the kisses
And thrusts and moans
We gave life to our attraction
And spoke openly of our needs
I didn’t know I needed him
But I did – I do
And in between the words
Our love making continued
Without penetration
He found his way inside of me
And left more than a memory

And the passion ensued
My legs wrapped around him
And I whispered – I want you
As the walls came crashing down
And it was true
I wanted him – I want him
But I knew then as I do now
Timing is everything
And so I will wait …
To show him how his beauty extends beyond the bed
And for now I will continue to feel
To feel alive
And beautiful
And loved
And one day
I will lay my hands on him
Put them all over his body
The heavens will open up
And my touch … my kiss
Will change the way he sees himself and the way he looks at love.
And then,
We’ll both be ready!

Realization...


The pain of loss
Anchored me in an abyss of emptiness that left me afloat on an island of fear
Blinded by the hurt
I remained in a state of suspension – feeling raw, but feeling – remembering the love – and longing for healing…
And the days became agonizing and long
with heavy hearted crying the daily norm
and suicidal thoughts – well – those came
as did the melancholy
I lost myself
Became worthless
And believed I was deserving of this abuse
Because I betrayed your trust
In a moment of lust
And so I continued to punish myself
Even though we agreed to work on things
But we neglected forgiveness
And forged ahead in an unhealed partnership
That became a prison of disaffected union
Our intimacy became a forced routine
With love dissipating
Changing
Without clear communication
And then the we changed
You found another and I became the blame
I became
A painted veil trapped in a frame
Uglied by the pain of your withdrawal
And the reality of our failure
I took the prize
I realized that the depression
The hurt
The pain
The disdain
It’s all par for the course…
And when the sun shines again
I’ll love unabashedly
Without the trappings of guilt
And shame
And hurt
And pain
I love –
Because it is who I am
and when I am healed
I’ll be loved back – without conditions
With an honest heart
Because I’m a worthy of it
Deserving of it
And I know now that our love was beautiful
but I will find a man I can trust
and I will believe in us
even if I am terrified
because I have finally found my way…
and I finally understand why your love was never enough…
Thank you!