Realization...

The pain of loss
Anchored me in an abyss of emptiness that left me afloat on an island of fear
Blinded by the hurt
I remained in a state of suspension – feeling raw, but feeling – remembering the love – and longing for healing…
And the days became agonizing and long
with heavy hearted crying the daily norm
and suicidal thoughts – well – those came
as did the melancholy
I lost myself
Became worthless
And believed I was deserving of this abuse
Because I betrayed your trust
In a moment of lust
And so I continued to punish myself
Even though we agreed to work on things
But we neglected forgiveness
And forged ahead in an unhealed partnership
That became a prison of disaffected union
Our intimacy became a forced routine
With love dissipating
Changing
Without clear communication
And then the we changed
You found another and I became the blame
I became
A painted veil trapped in a frame
Uglied by the pain of your withdrawal
And the reality of our failure
I took the prize
I realized that the depression
The hurt
The pain
The disdain
It’s all par for the course…
And when the sun shines again
I’ll love unabashedly
Without the trappings of guilt
And shame
And hurt
And pain
I love –
Because it is who I am
and when I am healed
I’ll be loved back – without conditions
With an honest heart
Because I’m a worthy of it
Deserving of it
And I know now that our love was beautiful
but I will find a man I can trust
and I will believe in us
even if I am terrified
because I have finally found my way…
and I finally understand why your love was never enough…
Thank you!