constant connection

I wanna blackberry your cherry…
Nextel your heart with text messages
That read
No, I’m not a virgin, but I’m mobile…
I wanna start that constant connection…like Verizon Fios…
Let me Sprint across your mind
With cellular transmissions
That cause you to erupt in
Dashes and spurts…
I promise…it won’t hurt

Let me be your sidekick
Yes…
Push all my buttons
Get me open
On some nextgen lovin’
So that I can experience an explosion of emotion

Go ahead
You have me in your Palm…
Pilot my ship…
I give you permission
You can even create a video clip
And loop it…
Just don’t youtube it…
That’s some private shit!

Partner…Let me Upgrade you…
Show you more than a facebook trick…
In fact…
Let’s take this shit off the internet…
And really connect…
See if you can handle this…
Beyond the instant messages
And sexual attraction…

Let me become real for a sec
Show you the real side of my swag
Get you open on real talk
real time
without all of the distractions available online…
let me work on getting you twisted
like a hot beat laced on a hot track with a crazy bass line
yeah…
let me just…
blow you
blow you away with conversation
mental stimulation
that has you coming
coming back
again and again
without
the cell phones
and the instant messages
just you and me…
man to man…
face to face…
in person…
let me know if you can handle that…playa!

out of my mind

He was my love
And I rejected him
perfected the rejection so that his attempts became attacks
I turned my back
So that everything faded…
I faded
Into reflective surfaces
and I became soluble
Moonstruck
Blinded by the crash of life meeting death
Sitting in darkness
With nothing left
But the shackles
And the shrines
The memories
And time…
Lots of time
Blank stares
And distorted visits from memories of sanity
As screams echo torturously from my lips
But my ears hear nothing
This is condemnation
Crippling the space between the embrace of our connection
Severed
Separated from discord
This ward
With locked doors and restrictive wardrobes
Has become home
Surrounded by white coats
Stethoscopes
Alone
Unknown
Stranger
with eyes that I recognize
out of my mind
inside my head
lost in between
living yet dead
lost in waiting
for a savior to save me
save me
from the melancholy that cost me my sanity
he was my love
and I rejected him
without understanding the consequence
he was my love
but that won’t resurrect him
and so I go out of my mind
and inside my head
trying to find the space we shared
the moments in time
when we loved each other freely
and I don’t care
if it costs my sanity!
He was my love…
My love
My love is dead…

Twisted History

Shallow and sullen I shield my throat
to protect the heart that keeps fluttering there
Sounds echo indistinctly as sense becomes a luxury
I take another sip
Drunk sifting throught the bullshit you left behind on your last visit
I always get stuck
Caught up in the fucking
As if ritual sex could champion the damage you inflicted
Remembering each time I let you hit it…how I felt more disconnected
But I was an addict
And I would continue to give you credit
Knowing the bill is long past due
And here I sit
Naked and twisted
Twisted off confused distortions of love that once existed
Tripping
Without a net
Falling into history
Repeating it again…and again…and again
Like some ignorant misfit
Caution counterfit
Or negligent
Or irrelevant
I can’t decide which
Because my senses are still nonexistant
And you continue to do the same things you use to do
Playing trickery with words
Pulling puppet master strings
Cleverly convincing
But this…
This isn’t a dear john…
It’s not a woe is me type confession…
It’s a realization
That your actions were a consequence of my lacking
Lacking love…lacking respect
And so…it really was a blessing…
But don’t get it twisted…
You still have a bill that’s due
And I’m collecting in multiples of two
Serving ego
With a side of “don’t fuck with me Negro”
So if you see me walking down the street…
And I start to smile…
Fall back nigga
It might just be your time!!!

like music

The beat was lazy
Easy
Echoing into parts where only music resonates
It felt right
Smooth
Sincere
No pretense, nothing to fear
Each verse was new
It felt familiar
But different
And each time
Goose bumps erupted
It was unexpected
The way…
He fucked me like music
And each move took me to heights I could feel in my soul
And I held on…losing control
Panting
Clawing
Thrusting
so that he would go deeper
and deeper he did go…
And he played his instrument like a pro
Knowing just when to strummed it softly
And just when to lose control
Yes,
He fucked me like music
Like rock n roll
Playing guttural guitar wrenching notes only he would know
And he rocked me slow
So I would enjoy the moment – get lost in the melody
Like a track stuck on repeat
That you listen to constantly, but intently –
Each time hearing something different…something new
Yes!
He fucked me like music
Using each thrust to invent new chords
Each new chord making way for a deeper connection
Deeper penetration
Like bass finding its way to a place where passion resonates
And I danced with his rhythm
Finding a groove with each move
I got lost in the chorus
As the intensity kept rising
Slowly rising
Almost climaxing
And then he started remixing
Yes he fucked me like music
Extending the song so that the experience would last longer
Longer than the melody
Longer than the verse
Longer than the chorus…
Yes he fucked me like music…
becoming my favorite song
he fucked me like music
animalistic like
rugged
like a musician starving for a note
he fucked me like music
and now I’m in love…
with the music…
in love
with music…

Just Call!

When stories are old and the lights dim
And the memories fade and the dark days draw near
When empty days beckon for solemn sweet sleep
And you feel defeat knocking on your door

Just call

When the world knocks you down
And you feel all alone –
When friends leave your side and lover’s leave you dry
And the lows are you biggest highs

Just call

In the times of distress when you feel you’re a mess
And you can’t catch your breath
When the water keeps rising
And you can’t continue hiding
When the truth becomes a noose
That you can’t cut loose

Just call

I will be the tree that shades your dis-ease
And shelters you from the storm
I will hold your hand when you feel you can’t stand
And wrap my arms around you to keep you warm

When you find you’re afraid, I will show you the way

Just call

I will give you my breath if it’s all that I have left
So that you can withstand the storm
I will be your friend, even if it’s the end
And lay down my life to make everything right
Because I love you –

And all you have to do is

Just call!

F.E.A.R.

I am the tree that rustles in the wind
Leaves stripped, roots dried, bark chipped
Starving for sunlight
In a sea of white
Browned from the green that keeps me at peace
Losing life
Stoically still
Unfulfilled
And
Longing for a squirrel to scurry
Along my trunk
To offer me the warmth
That comes from his touch
Even if only for a moment

I am the dirt on the ground
Dried and hard
Walked upon
As if the support to walk
Is a one sided luxury that I can’t afford
Longing
Longing for water
To absorb
So that I can feel more
More than the heels that bear into my back
More than the soles that distract from the real issue
Lack –
Lack of love…of life

I am the homeless man with an outstretched hand
Reeking of all the things you fear
Dirt smudged face, hole-ridden clothes
And a smell that translates into a loss of all things material
I am a serial loss
That makes it easy to ignore the real truth
I am you
Created in your image
Mirroring the ugliness that you keep caged within

I am
Water
Fluid and cool
Watering fountains of youth with a skewed version of truth
Reported as news
Reaching far
Settling wide
I am a riptide
Raping sands on foreign lands to impregnate distrust
Lusting
Lusting for new prospects to convert
Into my religion

I am the hands bound together in prayer
Fingers woven through beads strung together on a rosary
Seeking
Searching
For divine guidance on this cosmic path of confusion
I am an intrusion of thoughts
Beyond the darkness
The loss that lingers at the edge of loneliness
I am the space
Between you

The
space
Between
you
And the things of truth

I am the words
Not yet whispered – echoing through a funnel of opportunity
I am the ears
Fallen deaf from years of apathy
Silenced into fear
I am the fear

And I am here

I am
FEAR

...waiting...

Waiting…

Waiting…waiting for the pearl to vibrate…to offer a sign of life…through waves that stretch across miles …waiting – knowing that the longer the wait the greater the change - and everything changes– because silence … silences is a language all its own…and it echoes … loudly.

Waiting…for an alert to sound…for a text to drift through and break the barrier of silence that deafens my voice – just waiting … as time becomes measured by the distance between the last words spoken and the presence of now –

waiting … waiting to be remembered – to be thought of – to matter…to matter enough to be upfront –

waiting – to be brushed off – to hear once again what a great guy always hears – I’m not ready…it’s all my fault…I have some issues…I’m still stuck!

Waiting…

Waiting for the ending…

just waiting…

I want that...

I want that big juicy purple love
Love
Spelled with bubble letters
Art
…like graffiti
I want that love that reminds you of childhood laughter
And cake batter bowls that you lick all around
That love that just keeps you floating
Like helium balloons you can never keep down
I want that “I ain’t gonna let nothing come between us” kinda love
That can withstand the storms
And keep you anchored in a protective bubble
The kind of love that you read about in poems
Unrequited love
Shakespeare like
That love that transcends the drama
And sits deep…deep within your soul
I want that oh so simple love
Like quarter water and now and laters love…
You know … that butterfly love…
When you feel all dizzy, and you can’t stop giggling…
That love that keeps you sane
I want that love that makes it all worth the trip
That love that sits on the tip of your lips
Like cherry chapstick…
Smooth…
Easy…
Love…
I want that love…
That keeps you smiling all day
Just because
That love that reminds you of love…
You know?
Love that doesn’t cost you anything
That innocent, pure, free love
Love…
I want that!

poetry...in motion

words pour out like a fountain
against the white space of the page
offering a spotlight
into the shadows
that hold the thought
and cage the emotion
calculated in rhymes and
linguistic paradigms
shifting the fury
from inside
the words come alive
leaving ink stains
on the remains of a tattered page
abused from the furious rage
of writing

thoughts translated through the ball point of the pen
pour out like a fountain
scribbling verse
upon verse
like a lyrical flow
letting go
so the poetry becomes the show
centered on the stage
living through a poet
spitting on the mic

lyrics roll gently through the air
losing their flare
a sea of eyes simply stare
and then – dead air

release
breathe…
start again,

The lyricist loses his reticence
and starts spitting like fire
the energy builds
as the tension rises
higher…and higher
until the glares and the stares
become roars of applause
poetry …
in motion

Sexy Constant

Sexy Constant

Erect prospects – suspect
To the intoxicating effects of
Sexy constant
Tripping off the vibe
Alive
With wonder
Perspiring with a hunger
for stimulus packages
that are delivered in Trojan cases
hiding in the dark places
where animal urges become excursions
to forbidden lands

Understand

Sexy constant

Uniquely discreet
And profoundly obvious
Lust
And masculine manifest –
swinging swagger like a champion…
sex appeal like a whip –
Confidence –
on supple lips, with round hips and a curved backside
Creating a riptide

sexy constant

Beyond the definition of rippled abs and a puffed up chest
Deference
For exotic intoxication and mental stimulation that makes resistance futile
All the while
moist from the high
wide with pride
alive inside
blood racing
heart pounding
fluids oozing
loosing
a grip

sexy constant

Rhyming in movement
Wordless in song
Feeling the penetration
Deep and long
Of stimulation
Beyond the throngs
Of shooting a load –
Finally feeling it…feeling it take hold

Sexy constant

Deep in your soul.

Slap the saint
who blessed the day
tomorrow became a holiday
No one cares
about the veil
that hides
the innocence of hypocrisy
So kick the curb
with absurd words
that leave you confused
and nameless

Drink the bottle
that tells the tales
with loose lips
in drunken stupor
Slice the tube
that feeds the view
of mistruth
and reckless candor

It’s a wonder
A wonder
Anyone listens
to the kitten’s meow
that sounds from your conviction

Lose the fear
that keeps you near
to a fire that only flickers
Scream a roar
that leaves you hoarse
with might in your echo
Make the change
that etches your name
Across the history
of this moment

Be
Be the force
that lights the torch
In action and in valor
Use this minute,
in this time,
to exercise your power

- you can be a man of honor.

Shame the dream
That makes it seem
That change is only
Fleeting
Rewrite the prose
That keeps us fighting

Against
Life
Against
Hope
Against
Peace
Against
Love

Make change
With a penny

To convince the masses
That change is
Action
That comes from within

Begin
Begin the revolution

Right now
Today

Lose the fear
that keeps you near
to a fire that only flickers
Scream a roar
that leaves you hoarse
with might in your echo
Make the change
that etches your name
Across the history
of this moment

and

Be
Be the force
that lights the torch
In action and in valor
Use this minute,
in this time,
to exercise your power

- you can be a man of honor.

I am

I am substance
Beyond the hardness of stone
Leaving emotion in lost tones for the lonely souls of old

I am yellow
Vibrating bright
Shining neon through the night sky, hyped with life

I am loud
Resonating sounds
Beyond the limits of barrier and echoes
To the places armed with bombs of hope

I am change
Rolling swift
Sweeping clean the abyss of distress that stifles progress

I am trust
Hidden In places of disgust
Inspiring silently the fires of lust
Lust for an end to oppression

I am red
Bloodied and beaten
Beyond the chains of freedom
Leading the revolution

I am thought
Transforming dis-ease
With a cure beyond medical creation

I am the transformation - I am LOVE

I am …
Because I choose to be

I am
Because I love
I love humanity…
You … and me

I am
Because I am grateful that I can be
because I am free
Free to be me
…on this beautiful journey!

Frost chills the air as deep breaths leave clouds around the words that anchored the silence – this wasn’t a challenge – nor a competition – but the division of trust led to the reluctance of love – and here you stand – beyond the reach of arms that could replace the embrace of lonely. This is only a moment – a definition of now – without regret – without remorse – without a care about the cost – the loss – of everything that creates tomorrow – the sorrow becomes the shoulder you borrow to lighten the load, so that burdens seem like feathers, but you begin to implode because you neglect to exorcise the elements that torture your soul – and frost chills the air as deep breaths leave you helpless –

And so you stand alone, crowded by the space that occupies the emptiness that invades your heart – the hard part becomes living when the living becomes giving more of yourself than you have to give…but you live – in a prison – a prison of shame that leaves you isolated from the places you once found familiar – and the sadness becomes the friend that warms the bed you begin to make – and so you take a step forward, but fall short of the walk – you try to make a new start and get lost in the dark – this is the art of knowing life – blind, you survive because faith is your guide – the eyes that you owned only offered lies, so you donated them to that sadness friend - so that you could pretend that this is bliss – but pretending doesn’t end the ambivalence

And frost chills the air as the ice sets in – the parts that were whole become frost bitten – and you begin to forget the deception – you start looking for a light in the dark places where you lost your sight…but the frost continues to cloud your view – and blinded still, you continue – in darkness, in doubt, without love, your faith gives out.

The end of suffering begins with surrender – and so you do, and you feel renewed – the frost dissipates in the warmth of the sun. You have become – you have become the charmed flower child basking in the spring – this … this is the end of suffering.

Standards have value

Standards
have
v a l u e

and still they keep me caged to solitude
because I am an immigrant
living in a community that neglects commitment

There’s a silent genocide occurring in my heart
Killing all the parts that keep me in tune with the things I hold true

Love – beyond the boundaries of beds, and condoms, and soft whispers from noncommittal sexual partners. Love – like music, permeating barriers of language, and distance, and thought – just a pure emotional phenomenon – that causes an orchestra of pleasure beyond verbal explication.

He was like the wind – blowing through parts of me that remained untouched
He had a swagger – that grabbed my attention – and a character that spoke with no words
He was gold
But he didn’t know – and so, he continued to fall victim to the life
Choosing mediocrity, while lacking foresight

And me…
I felt foreign
Like an immigrant transported to a strange land – finding familiar expression, yet struggling to understand – understand why good men…are impossible to find –

It’s due, in kind, to the lifestyle –
Or so I’ve been told…

Growing up sexualized, honoring stereotypes, lacking models of trust, of truth, of monogamy and giving into the idea that love is coming –
again and again and again –
because instant gratification, like ejaculation, offers temporary satisfaction –
but what happens when the ejaculation no longer satisfies your need for connection – when you become the stranger?

There’s a danger…
A danger in having standards
In holding true to what you know you are entitled to –
And honoring the man within you

The danger comes when you realize that most men trivialize their needs
And that by honoring your own
You could end up alone
And so…
Here I stand –
Struggling … in this foreign land –
Beckoning for an outstretched hand to help me feel connected…
To help me understand
That this…
This is how I become a man …
a man who has value…
and honors standards
And character
And commits to being loved the way a man should be loved

He – he was the one I wanted to love…
Completely,
Freely,
And totally
But he wasn’t ready…

So,
I bless him on his journey
And tend to my heart
So that the genocide doesn’t kill the loving parts…
And now, I understand
that being a man

means sometimes I will have to hold my own hand!

Diamond

Amid a sea of beautiful black men – he stood out like a diamond. He was like the wind blowing softly into areas kept safely hidden from the world. His words were like raindrops watering seeds that were planted before the soil had dried. And his eyes, his eyes were silently pleading for more than just a number, more than just a name, it was clear he wasn’t fronting – no…he wasn’t running game. The setting told a story, and the music lent a soundtrack – there were crazy hot beats lacing some shot ass tracks…and beautiful men pressed against me, in front and in back – I could have easily been distracted, but something inside me kept me on track. I had to know his name, I had to make a connect. So, I waited in the cut – let brother’s do their thing and when I saw he was open – I made my way in. It started with a smile – and the smile woke something inside – and then it move on to a quick convo – it’s hard to converse when you’re competing with the DJ…and so I gave him my name…told him I’d check on him again – and headed back over to my friend. I danced a bit, had a drink or two…had some fine ass dudes trying to kick it too, but I already knew who I wanted to pursue…so I kept my focus, did what I had to do. As the night wound down and the morning crept in, I knew I had to kick it with him, let him know I was feeling him – so I headed upstairs, waded through the crowd…got jostled around as I tried to spot him from afar – and then it hit me – he was already gone! Amid a sea of beautiful black men – he stood out like a diamond. And as I surveyed the room…looking for his eyes – a smiled formed and I felt electric inside – I spotted him – waiting for the bathroom…and as I approached he saw me too.

Though we rarely speak – I owe him my gratitude – for like the wind…blowing softly into areas kept safely hidden from the world, he unknowingly touched parts of my soul that allowed me to feel whole again. And like raindrops watering seeds that were planted before the soil had dried, his words, simple as they were, helped me to feel alive. Thank you for your random act of kindness…I only wish we could really connect, so you could share in this experience.

Wind whispers carry songs across waves leaving melodies on the edges of leaves. Lullabies rain down like water drops from clouds heavy with sunrays and the sun shines bright offering rays of light that cascade across blades of grass – in days past – tears streaked the watercolor used to paint a memory and the colors ran together like confused lovers lost in a wonderland – painted stills moved with an elegance found only in dance and the romance that endured fell upon it’s final stance. It was a chance for change – but change brought pain and pain begat a chain of unfortunate events that would lead to a reign of distorted integrity. The sacred became vacant and the temple bled a disease of licentious morality that welcomed in Tom, Dick and Harry – and the body became a casualty of the melancholy that choked the soul. Encrypted in the sexual indiscretions was a code – a code that could heal the wounds and end the self inflicted neglect that allowed a continual disconnect from pure love. But, everything remained suspect and the code went undetected – until reflection offered a clear vision of the truth – the code, once deciphered, disclosed that the abuse would end when love found its way back in – and so with the wind whispers carrying songs and lullabies raining down and the sun shining ever so brightly – the darkness found its end, and love beckoned for a reconciliation of all of the disconnected parts within – and like magic – happiness rained down again.

A love letter...to my ex

Cumulous clouds against a purple sky,
hazy shades of winter frosting words like ice
Drawn to the madness like a solar eclipse letting darkness permeate all that exists
There was once a spark…once an ember that offered hope
But it was lost when the frost froze the words that you spoke
And now,
Now…
All that remains are stains of pain leaving marks across the universe of two
And the separation offers an exorcism of the love that resigned when you played outside the lines of truth
You broke the rules
And felt good living on the edge
But now the edge has become a thin ledge you can’t dance across without getting hurt
So you stay stuck
Standing still
Looking like a two timing prick who thought his dick could serve as credit…
But you’re the one who got fucked
Because now your shit out of luck…
Now…you’re the joke
And the hope that you held on to … was caught in the frost
And like ice under pressure, it’s cracked and lost
And so…
You understand now…how much indiscretion cost
and you wish you could play it safe
go back to the days when you could sit in my face and pretend things were great
but those days are over…and it was you who sealed your fate…
so peace out cluck cluck
and better luck next time –
you whack ass fuck!

...but i'll always love you!

Free

I’m breathing…
and my heart is beating again…
Time has passed…seasons have changed…and though my love remains
It has changed…
And my heart is in a different place…
Beating…
Beating again…
No longer hurting …
No longer longing…

Weeping willows hang low in reverence
The tears that fell watered the seeds of change that sprung forth following the winter thaw
Like icicles melting in the blaze of the sun
My thoughts have become fluid
And I wonder…
Was there ever really love at all
Or was it opportunity…
Security…
Were you just using me…

I don’t need an answer…

I got on the with the business of healing
and discovered that saying goodbye
saved my life
and you finding someone new
made it easy for me to let go of you
and so…
I’m breathing again…
My heart is beating again…
And I’m smiling
From the inside
Because I know the truth…
And I’m not angry or bitter toward you
And I’m no longer confused

I’m free

free to say goodbye
For the last time…
And mean it!