Your Voice

Like a starving seed planted in a garden of need
I become withered and dry when we don’t speak
It’s like the world spinning without a song
And I don’t believe this is love
This longing
Yearning
That I can never seem to quench
I wear it like a stench of shame
And it shackles me to melancholy
Even when I’m grounded in bliss
I feel listless
Emptied
Lost
And the void widens
And nothing seems to be enough
Nothing
Not even love
To satisfy this hunger
This fear…
Except your voice…

And I become bound
Tethered to a dream not yet realized
Wanting to be more than thought
Wanting to be more
To feel more
more than perfectly flawed
but I am only human
and though I try hard not to be flawed
I fall
Back into a ball of need
Conceding my beauty
Feeling unworthy
Becoming
The ugly that I keep buried
A distorted reality
Of my own identity
Lacking love
And strength
And security…

And I become lost
Lost in a memory of strength and truth
Free
Secure
And Happy
A memory…
Of when all I wanted was love
But I got lost in longing
Felt unworthy
Dirty
needy

And now –
Now, I’m committed
Committed to finding the me
I lost in the absence of words
The me that held fast to love
So that I can free myself of the melancholy
That chains me to a need
To hear your voice…
A secure,
Healthy
Happy
Me…