Playing the Game

Here I am, naked and unashamed
Loving myself into the arms of a new stranger…
A new face…an unknown name
Transparent and playing the game
I was right as rain when I remembered the rules…
But the rules had me playing the fool
And playing the fool became a game where I got played and he continued to get laid
And it left me feeling lost…confused…conflicted
I thought I was addicted…
But I was really just a victim of a foolish heart
Playing the game…
Playing ...playing the same ole game…
Like the flicker of a flame…
Burning the wick
I became the child…and he became the dick…
That continued to molest my level of commitment
And brandish me unfit
Unfit
Me…unfit…
To commit
Because now everyone is suspect…
And so…I’ve become the misfit
Tripping off the rules
But I’m no longer the fool…
Now I’m some kind of wonderful…
Fucking like a champ…
And it’s an angry fuck…
A put a nigga’s head through the wall
Gritty, animalistic type fuck…
That reminds me that this isn’t love making…
It’s just a cleansing…
The release of a dream…
That one day prince charming would rewrite the fairytale…
And what remains…
What remains…is the game…
The game that allows me to sleep with men who never know my name…
The game …
That causes me to feel connected to strangers
And leaves scars on the corners of my heart…
The game…
That I never learned how to play as a child…
And so now…I feel all kinds of wild…
And a little lost…
Because I’m a competitor…and winning … wining is a must…
But how do you win at a game…that compromises your self trust?
And so…
Here I stand…naked and unashamed…
Staring at my reflection…trying to remember my name…so that I can find my way back…back to me…

© 2008 Jason Rivera